The Green COCKerel
by ThrottaKaze
Summary: The titans inherit a pizzeria! Blood, humor, coffee and all kinds of disturbing substances... for the whole family!


"No."

"What the heck do ya mean 'no'?" Beast Boy boomed, "We could make zillions!"

Nearby, Robin sweat dropped and pulled the green teen back down to his seat, "Erm, not zillions exactly B…" he turned to address the group, "but we could make quite a bit. Truth be told…" Robin stood and began to pace, somehow finding room between the television and the sofa to do so, "…It's not the most glorious job of all-" Starfire visibly slumped at the apparent lack of glory, "-and we'd have to deal with all sorts of people – mostly fat – and it'll probably smell, and-"

"-It's like Disneyland all over again." Raven quipped.

Cyborg scratched the back of his head with a metal hand, "Hey, Robbie? You're not makin' this sound particularly appetising. Hell, I'd love to work in one o' those joints if it'll gimmie discounts and free food, but…"

"But…?"

"But…"

"Butttt?"

"It is not glorious!" Starfire proclaimed, frightening all present.

Re-emerging from his hiding place behind the sofa from Star's outburst, Beast Boy managed a "But…"

The alien visibly twitched, "And why does everyone keep repeating that particular piece of anatomy?"

Robin put down a lampshade that he'd grabbed in a panic and pulled Starfire back into her seat; something that was becoming a habit these days.

Raven appeared from the hallway; that being her apparent hiding place from an upset Starfire. "I don't mean any harm, but why are we even talking about this?"

BB held up a glossy flyer and beamed, "'Cause Mr. Luigi gave us his pizzeria since we saved his 'poochie poo'."

…

"Poochie poo?"

"You know, that dog."

…

"…Poodle?"

"Wait, who is Mr. Luigi?" Robin looked away briefly, "And why does his name frighten me so…?"

Raven, beyond spooked, pulled out a book and began to read it with startling enthusiasm.

Starfire soon joined her.

Exasperated, Beast Boy yelled "the Italian guy who lost his poodle, dudes! Jeebus, how could you forget him!"

Robin snapped out of his reverie, "Oh yes… How could I have forgotten _him_…"

Star perked up, "Oh yes, the hairy man with large expanses of hair sprouting forth from his nostrils."

If possible, Raven looked paler than normal.

"Aha! You do remember." Beast boy yelled triumphantly. "Anyhow, we scored this pizza place from him."

"We did didn't we?" Robin nodded in affirmation.

Now it was Raven's turn, "Oh yes, that's why we were here in the first place…"

"Yes…" BB prompted.

Cyborg screamed from the kitchen: "WE GOT NO MEAT YA'LL!"

"Oh noes!"

The green haired teen sighed in defeat when all present stampeded to the kitchen to morn the loss of their chicken.

"PEOPLE!"

Everyone paused mid-step.

"Pizza?"

"Ooooh now ya'll be speakin' ma language." Cyborg ambled over attentively.

"Well that killed a good minute or two… I'm starved." Raven floated back into the living room and sat on one of the plush chairs.

"Pizza is glorious…" Star mumbled thoughtfully, re-joining the others.

"Bah… I just know I'm gonna end up paying for this." Robin meandered into the living room as well.

"Okie-pokie!" Beast Boy chirped, "Should we like, hurm, work at this pizzeria?"

"I think so." Robin cut in, not liking to sit in the background.

"Déjà vu."

"I feel ya Rae."

Starfire regarded the ceiling thoughtfully, "If we work at this 'joint', will we earn papers of green and coins of silver and gold?"

"Ye speak in tongues!" screamed Beast Boy, pointing accusingly at her.

"Yes, if we work there we'll earn money." Agreed Robin with a nod, "It'll be pretty good publicity, too."

"Yeah man. The titans will be like, feedin' Jump City as well as protectin' it."

"So… with this money we shall receive, we can purchase items, yes?"

"A-yep." Robin confirmed.

"…What kind of… items?" Starfire leered towards Robin somewhat threateningly.

"Um…" Robin gulped, "Anything you want, I guess…"

"I'm sold!" In an alarming change of mood, Starfire beamed and straightened up.

"Money talks." Beast Boy pondered aloud, "so… If I say, 'I want a moped'; POOF! Out comes 50 cc's of biking goodness baby!"

All nodded in agreement.

"Hmm…" Raven seemed to be in deep thought.

Everyone turned to stare at her anxiously.

"Hmmmm…"

They leaned closer…

"Hmmmmmmmmmmm…"

Closer…

"HMMMM…."

Close- SMACK.

And they all bumped heads and horribly fell to the floor.

Raven took a moment to regard them in faint amusement before shrugging. "Yeah, it's fine by me."

Beast Boy leaped up from the dog-pile, "WOOT! Dudes, I have like the perfect name for this thing!"

"Really now?" Raven faked enthusiasm.

Beast Boy didn't catch it, "Uh-huh! Three guesses people!"

Starfire's hand shot up.

"Uh, Star?"

"Zamblor!" Then she had a laughing attack.

Spooked, Beast Boy responded with an "Ooookay…"

Cyborg piped up. "Oh oh oh! Pick me!"

"Dude, chill…"

"What about… Cy's kickass pizza place?"

Robin sweat-dropped, "That's erm… a bit biased isn't it?"

Cyborg looked blank for a moment. "OH." He grinned, "We could stick an 'and co.' on the end if ya want!"

"…You're hopeless…" Robin muttered.

"Okie-pokie, one more guess left! C'mon you guys suck at this stuff…"

Wiping tears from her eyes, Star raised her hand again.

"Yes Star?" Beast Boy asked cautiously.

"How about… Moblarg!" She exploded into laughter.

Raven banged her head against her book.

"Erf… OH." Beast Boy grinned like a madman. "Ok, here's your clue." His eye bugged out creepily, "…your ONLY clue…"

All nodded seriously.

Beast Boy then made a bunch of strange and mysterious sound effects before transforming into…

"COCK!" Screamed Cyborg with a creepy look on his face.

Unconsciously Starfire had created a fiery starbolt and was looking at Beast Boy hungrily.

Raven looked up from her book for a moment, then looked back down again with disinterest.

Robin was going to yell something, but Cyborg beat him to it.

After a moment, BB went back to normal. "Close Cy…"

"Hey… How about somethin' witty, like… Cy's kickass pizza place & co.?"

"…No Cy. Just… no."

"Um… the green cock?"

Raven's left eye twitched, "It sounds so innocent yet so very wrong…"

"I'll just tell ya…" BB looked around shiftily before whispering, very quietly…

The group all leaned in to listen…

"The Green Cock-Erel…"

Cyborg's head snapped back with a crunch as he boomed, "GENIUS!"

"It _so_ is!" Beast Boy and Cy did a little jig.

"Amazing…" Robin muttered, furrowing his brow in thought. "Now people will say they're going to TGC Erel's instead of TGI Friday's…" He looked at BB with awe, "Pure genius…"

Raven shook her head whilst everyone drooled on. Opting for the safer option, she teleported to Mexico, where she would grow coffee beans 'till she reached her 90's.

But no-one knew that.

"Woo! Raven's gone to get supplies!" Yelled BB, "Let's wait right _here_, in this _very spot_, for _as long as it takes_, until she gets back!"

YAY!

ooooOOOOoooo

AN: Hey, hey! Sorry for my lack of updatin' stories u.u understand that I do in fact have a social life –points to a drooling sheep in the corner- and that I am a lazy, lazy lemon (RAWK OUT ILLITERATION)

This was sittin in my laptop! I managed to hack my own computer (dumbass forgot the password XD) and waddle through all the techno gore and numerous disturbing images which I am sure as hell weren't there before… but I won't go into that –sweat drop- when I found THIS! -throws confetti- I might continue this but maybe not XD the ending kind of rapes any form of progress but HAY I can dream n.n

Well, my cousin found this amusing XD an I hope you find it enjoyable, aye? Luff yew guys.


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